LEO's are funny...

[snuffaluff]

I thought I'd share this since I know there's a few LEO's around here and people that deal w/ scumbags all day.


These 16 Police Comments were taken offactual police car videos around the country:


#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."


#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."


#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your Birth certificate a worthless document."


#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."


#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?

Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."


#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means

I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"


#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.

Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"


# 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to

do that again, or I'll give you another ticket."


# 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether You

are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"


# 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where

you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in

monkey crap."


# 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife

gets a toaster oven."


# 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."


# 4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"


# 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to,

but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."


#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal

friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


AND THE WINNER IS...


# 1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?

You're right, we don't. Sign here."

[raven]

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

I actually used that one. The guy was in belly chain being escorted to Court and I used my cuffs. "Oh yeah, look how shiny they are"???

Here's a few more: "You Can't Outrun Motorola".

"Excuse Me Sir, You Need To Leave Now, or I'll Yank You Out Of Here So Fast Your A$$ Won't Have A Chance To Say Goodbye To Your Shorts"!!!

Cool Thread !!! Take Good Care and Be Safe Always.

God Bless


-raven-

[tonydahose]

i really like number 6 and although these are pretty funny ask any cop and he will give you some really funny lines from the public/newly incarcerated(aka scumbags as politely put it..lol). A friend of mine had a top ten shirt made up, TOP TEN THINGS SAID ON THE WEST SIDE OF CHICAGO....i wish i had a copy of it for ya.

[Blackhair]

# 1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?

You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Bah... ZING!

Those are great.

[Shike]

Those were great. I think police videos are good in that they give viewers a look at the dangers those who serve put themselves thru, but it would be cool to see one of just funny stuff.

[dialex]

Cool, thanks for the smile.

[jugg2]

#1 is by far my favorite. LMAO!

[snuffaluff]

I know they made me laugh. I like #'s 11 & 3

[224477]

AWESOME Thanks for the fun buddy

[peacefuljeffrey]

# 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to

do that again, or I'll give you another ticket."

I love this one. It reminds me of a line Denzel Washington's "Creasy" had in "Man on Fire." He was about to blow up the leader of "Hermendad," a corrupt criminal organization in Mexico City, and the guy was bound on the hood of the car with an explosive device up his butt.

He implored Creasy to give him just one last wish, so Creasy said, "Wish? I 'wish'... you had - more - time!"


And he walked away and left the man to explode with a buttful of C4.

[KaliGman]

If you work as a LEO long enough, you will get some laughs from what people will tell you, such as:

1. "These aren't my shoes. I borrowed them from my brother."--after a search revealed drugs in one of the shoes--enough of a lump that I could never understand why the guy wasn't limping badly when he tried to walk.

2. "I don't have any narcotics." In answer to the question "Do you have any guns, other weapons, or narcotics on you tonight?" The next question was "Where is the gun?" and the answer was "Right front pocket." The thing is, the guy was just in a bad area alone and I stopped to tell him he might want to move along unless he wanted to be mugged. He was very nervous so I asked my question, and it went downhill. It turned out he was waiting to complete a drug deal.

3. "I just shotgunned 12 beers. What do you think of that?" This was in answer to the question, "How much have you had to drink tonight, sir?" He was weaving all over the road and driving with no headlights on at 3AM. At least he didn't say what everyone else does--"I had two beers."

4. Education does not seem to be much help either (at least in this case), as this one was from a well known (in the area) attorney in open court. I was on the stand and had just shown a video of his client delivering 65 kilograms of cocaine which was to be added to another lot of coke and then trucked to its destination. After I finished showing the video, the lawyer goes, "Isn't it true that my client never appeared on that video and that you in fact never saw him during this surveillance?" Now, I don't know what video he had been watching, but his client was all over this videotape. So I said, "No sir. I have about a minute of close range video of your client's profile that I just showed to the jury, and I have about 15 seconds of close range full face footage that I just showed the jury. I can rewind the tape and pause it on some of this footage if you like." The jury took 40 minutes to reach a verdict. The client got 25 years.

[snuffaluff]

KaliG, those are funny and at least the guy in #2 was honest huh? LOL

[Rex G]

I like it when the they drop someone's name, and I remember to reply, "Do you think he is proud of what you just did?"

[tonydahose]

a fellow cop told me the theory of the "double huh". when you start to question somebody on the street in certain neighborhoods the individual will usuallu answer "huh" to whatever question you ask them, be it what's your name, what were you just doing...etc....but if you respond with a huh right back at them they would then answer the question honestly...i said BS till i tried it...it works..lol

[BuffaloBill]

# 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where

you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in

monkey crap."

I ad a drivers ed teacher who gave a similar speach all the time "fair? fair is what you pay to the ride the bus. its a dog eat dog world out there...etc etc" i forget the rest.

one i heard on cops was after they arrested a guy they found hiding under a mattress. now not under the bed. under the matress very obvious he was there. he said something along the lines of "you weren't very good at hide and seek as a kid were you?"