Why is emotional healing so hard?

[SpyderEdgeForever]

I hope its okay for me to post this question here, that this is the right place for it, but I can tell there are sincere people here.

I know of so many people who have past histories of abuse and trauma, and I have compassion and empathy for them, I see and feel their pain.
I have seen people spend years going to counselors, therapists, and psychologists, and at times it helps and they learn ways to heal, but, I see others and they never really get any healing. And so my question is, why is emotional healing and healing from mental/emotional trauma and experiences so hard and difficult, when compared to physical healing? I mean, yes, there are physical conditions where people have to spend years and years getting physical therapy, but, overall, it is so much more objective, and clear-cut. A broken bone can take weeks or months to heal, but, broken hearts and minds can take decades or never in this life. Can anyone here explain this to me, please?

Example: I had a friend who was horribly abused as a child and it ruined relationships and all sorts of other issues for them in life. Its very sad to see this

Meanwhile, in high school, it took a few months to heal my broken wrist and it was good as new.

[farnorthdan]

I think its because a lot of people (especially men) stuff their feelings and feel ashamed to talk about it. Men in particular because some think it makes them appear weak to admit that they are hurting on the inside. I also think when it comes to being abused as a child there is a trust that is broken. Once that trust is broken its almost impossible to rebuild and it follows that child into adulthood, one of the reasons abused children have a very difficult time building close relationships as adults. That's why child abuse is one of the most heinous crimes in my opinion.

[chuckd]

Well, when comparing physical and psychological trauma, the after math can take just as long to heal really. Things like bad back, knee etc etc injuries can have life long implications just as psychological wounds suffered in one's past.

I think at some level there is a feeling of isolation, like that experience is unique to them, which is where support groups come in.

I agree with farnorthdan, as well. As a child, we may heal faster physically, but psychologically, our childhood injuries can persist for a lifetime.

[The Mastiff]

My generation at least grew up with men supposed to be strong, silent types. You didn't often see cowboys and soldiers from WW2 and Korea talking about trauma. They just didn't talk much. The younger generations seem more willing to admit weaknesses. My Fathers and grandfathers were worse than mine. They often ignored signs of heart or lung disease and kept smoking and never went to doctors. People that were looked up to as being tough back then might be called stupid now. :)

Joe

[Evil D]

I think to understand you really need to experience it for yourself.

[O,just,O]

Why is so much emotional pain inflicted on kids in the first place ? Because no one sees any blood & don't understand that the heart bleeds in tears from the eyes; The window to the soul.
If a heart is torn out there is no spirit hospital to deal with the trauma .
Therapists, councillors & psychologists mean well & are good people who genuinely feel for the damaged but their training has told them misconceptions. For instance that a mental disorder is a physical thing created by a chemical imbalance in the body. That is cart before the horse thinking.
Everything first starts in the spiritual & then manifests in the physical. So it is a spirit : soul malady that caused the chemical imbalance that now affects the body & mind.
Until the real causes are known & understood by the health workers & until they then know the correct remedy we will continue to see the problem you describe. They still do not understand how a placebo works.
If we had a Holy Spirit Hospital (a real one, not a man doctrine one) the emergency department would be run off its feet.
O.

[twinboysdad]

I can weigh in from a PTSD standpoint. Your body "resets" your internal stress and readiness meter to make your new normal level higher than what is needed for normal life. So even "idle" is pretty close to most people's red zone. Your mind thinks it is helping you prepare for fight or flight because something has happened that you incorrectly think you need to be overly prepared for or you are incorrectly afraid of. Once this has taken place, it is hard to get your mind and body to reset the meter to where it was before the elevated stress levels pushed the control line way up.

[kbuzbee]

It's not just people. Abused animals follow the same path. As Dan points out, it's an issue of broken trust.

That said, there is something within that allows healing or doesn't. I have no idea if this is chemical, physical, mental...

Between the kids and us we've now had 4 "rescued" dogs. Each has been a unique experience. Two were "fine" One refuses to move (essentially) and just eats and gets fatter but is a VERY loving dog and one was a "demon dog from ****" that no one but the kids could even get near. He was seriously terrifying.

Part, but not all of the difference can be ascribed to difference in the level and duration of the abuse they'd suffered, with their "demon dog" having suffered the most, by far. Not only was he the most "damaged" but then he was shuffled from home to home. When these homes couldn't deal with his issues he was moved on. In the end, the kids chose to put him down rather than subject him to yet another upheaval. It was very sad, but it was the right decision, IMO.

But even among victims of abuse there are differences in how they handle it, going forward. I have no idea where those differences come from except to say we are all unique individuals and process our world differently. Science doesn't (and may never) fully understand why one individual can (seemingly?) recover for an abbusive past where another may not (or may take much longer) Regardless, it's clear that the body's ability to recover from physical tramua is a much more straightforward process than the mind's ability to recover from "abuse".

Ken

[twinboysdad]

Interesting take Ken. You could even examine how some people become petrified under a stressor while others get combative and lash out from the same stressor. Some people who are pretty tough revert back to a place of fear when seeing their abuser later in life, while others who are nothing noteworthy on the tough scale get ready to rip a former abuser's face off if they encounter them again. Every person's mind is unique as is their coping mechanisms.

[PayneTrain]

This isn't a simple question to answer. There are many forms of emotional and psychological damage, and everyone is different. There are so many factors involved, way more than physical damage. The brain is as vast as our galaxy, and we know just as much about it, if not less. There is no clear cut answer, and it's never a good idea to assume one. If you know someone who is dealing with some kind of emotional pain, you can't and won't ever know what they're going through, even if you've experienced the exact same thing. Their life is different, they themselves are different, there is no way to equate another's experience to your own. It's not nature vs nurture, it's nature and nurture vs you!

All that nonsense being said, I hold the belief that anyone can overcome anything, physical or mental. For some it may be easy, for some nearly impossible. But there is always a way, and one should never give up.

As Ken points out, animals are a good example. When I was looking for my dog Ellie here, I visited shelters that actually discouraged me from adopting certain dogs. Most of them were too big for my situation anyway, but there was one that would have been a great fit. The lady wouldn't even consider it because the poor girl had "separation anxiety". So what? You don't think that's reversible? Please. If Cesar Milan can do it, so can I. Just like people, all dogs need is time and effort, and they can overcome anything. Tread carefully, but never give up.

Edit: Forgot the most important part. People can only be helped when they are ready for it. Don't try and "fix" someone who isn't ready, as you will only make it worse for them and yourself. It sometimes requires the patience of a saint to see some people through their issues, but it is necessary. An addict is the most classic example, but it is the exact same for someone dealing with emotional problems. Trust me (and not because of my useless psychology degree).

[Officer Gigglez]

Well, I don't know the answer, but I do know it varies from person to person. I have noticed that I tend to bottle things up and try and forget about them, avoiding their ability to impact my life negatively, and usually I can get over them relatively quickly. My brother, on the other hand is pretty much the opposite. My significant other is very open and wants to talk about these things all the time. I do not. My old man is like me, and my mother is like my brother. ****, my police chief is like me, while one of my Lieutenants is very open. Long story short, some people are more resilient or more closed, or whatever. Everybody copes differently.

[kiwisailor]

Officer Giigglez has valid points. As a retired Professional Soldier and Corrections Officer, I have dealt with a considerable amount of Human destruction.
Emotions are dealt with by the individual involved, with the skills, previous experiences and support from peers as required to fit occasion/incident.
NOT always with the correct answers/results. We just cope with as best can. Hence the Black Humour to belittle our emotional turmoil/confusion. Man Up is not always the best practice. Women seem to cope better, as, unfortunately they have more experience dealing with abuse/assaults more often. Plus they have a better support network of peers who are prepared/want to talk about it. Guys do not. Many reasons, mainly fear of ridicule, loss of Macho image etc.
We would rather suppress our feelings than deal with them which probably cause physical issues down the track (according to many Eastern Religions/Philosophies). I don't know the answer, but exercise and fresh air help me. I talk to dogs too.. they understand. Peace and Love..

[shorane]

Actually, emotions are directly link to heart and people always feel ashamed to discuss it with others. One of my friend also had the same issue, but she consulted an emotional healer susan shadburne, a bio energy healer. She really improves her emotions and heal from the past wounds.

[apollo]

In my personal experience. I can tell you everyone heals differently from psychological problems.
For example. 2 months ago my gf tried to kill here self with sleeping pill's when in a deep depression. After that terrible day she was born into another person ( i do not know this woman at all anymore) and she is doing fine..

On the other hand. 1 week after she tried it. she dumpt my sorry ***.
And i must say there is not a day that go's by without my heart wanting me to jump on the road and get run over by an 18 wheeler... On the other hand im glad my mind is so strong and keeps me under control. I know i will get over it in the future but the scars will always be there if youre a person like me.
Luckely i have my family my hobby's and the guy's at work. And last but not least my spyderdisease that is the only thing in my life that can take my thoughts away from all that ****.
So i think every human on this planet is different in this subject. :)

[Sequimite]

I have personal experience dealing with people abused as children and have made some general conclusions.

"Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man." There is no doubt that early experiences have profound effects. There are some obvious reasons for this: all early development reflects the environment, a child has little perspective to place trauma in any context, a child believes the abuser that the victim is the one to blame for the abuse.

I look at it more simply. We each have our own story, a narrative into which we fit each new experience. Your expectations of each new relationship are at an instinctive level. Every datum that fits the old pattern is given credence; every one that doesn't is ignored. The process of psychotherapy is to relive past traumatic events from a different perspective so that you can construct a different narrative which better conforms to the good and bad in the world rather than exclusively on your personal experience of evil. Unlearning something which is operating at the unconscious level is very difficult and can sometimes be aided by temporarily reversing the chemical changes to your brain that accompany severe anxiety and depression.