Let's share some of more 'interesting' stories about Postal Mail and Delivery services!

[demoncase]

Spurred by a couple of off hand comments on a number of threads, it seems we all suffer with a certain 'eclectic' take on the concept of customer service from our various delivery and mail providers across the globe.

Keeping within the forum rules on shiny footprints, let's keep this light-hearted: I realise that most mail and delivery workers are conscientious and careful people. However, the human race does not remember the mean of data- we remember the extremes- and thus I'm sorry to say we most often recall the times when things have gone sideways with our delivery folks

Here in the UK we have the glorious Royal Mail (aka Royal Fail), purveyor of the 'Knock & Run' card, Parcelforce (Aka Parcel Farce, Royal Fails idiot cousin drafted in for heavy lifting) and the others like D(rop it) H(ide it) L(ose it) and UPS....I've had various run ins with them down the years: let me go first

[demoncase]

Well....Let me relay just some of MY experiences with Royal Fail and their inbred offspring- Parcel Farce....and why I think 50% of their staff need sacking on the spot.

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#Case Study 1- Attempting to Post Something

I had a large lockable aluminium flight case for my target rifle delivered- it was about 5 feet long by 2 feet deep. It arrived Special Delivery.... I received it, it was faulty, so the supplier asked me to take back to the Post Office and return it the same way and they'd refund me the cost.

Wolvehampton Central Post Office is a picture of 1960s effeciency, 30 windows in a line ready to take your mail.
Apart from,no matter how busy it gets, there are never more than 3 counterstaff. To make matters worse, they set the heating to 30oC to fry you while you queue for 40 minutes with all the smelly plebs- the Post Office is the UK's central source of Social Security handouts, so certain days of the month attract an interesting anthropological demographic, united by an aversion to soap....However: They might have been the most fragrant people in the world before stepping into the Royal Mail patent sauna, but after the inevitable 30 minutes of queueing, everyone is greasy puddle of stinking sweat.

I'd picked a bad day too- it's the start of the month so it's full of doleys, scum and plebs getting their cut of my taxes. I'd already had my foot run over by two bottle-orange-tanned council-estate-facelifted chavettes with double buggies full of screaming, snotty brats.
The same two teenage mothers then proceeded to chatter in graphic detail about the sexual conquests of the night before at about 100dB. Complete with hand gestures and slurping noises.
I begin fantasising about skinning the pair of them alive and recovering the seats of my car with their Tango shaded hides- it'd contrast nicely with the greeny-blue paint of the bodywork. I swallow down my growing rage and make nice when I finally get to the counter- Negotiations begin:

Me: "Hi. I received this parcel via Special Delivery- I'd like to send it back the same way please"
The greasy troll-like woman behind the counter stares through me as though I've she'd just seen me kick her pet dog, then grunts the preliminaries regarding cost and the address it's going- then painfully keys this into her PC one key at a time, like a drugged hen pecking at corn....I raise the parcel onto the scales to weigh, then we reach the impasse.
Royal Mail Counter Troll "Oh.......I don't think you can send that Special"
Me: *dumbstruck" "Why?"
RMCT: "It'll be too long"
Me: "How can that be?"
RMCT: "Werl, there's a length restriction on Special delivery, innit"
I look down at the hastily rewrapped parcel- in it's original packaging....with the prominent SD on the corner for Special Delivery
Me: "Yes, I understand all that- but it was sent to me Special Delivery- that's the original parcel it's in"
RMCT: "You can't have- it's too long"
Me: "I'm not imagining this, love- it's a bit heavy to be a hallucination"
RMCT: "There's no need to be like that"
Calm- I must remain calm.
Me: "Look- I received this yesterday" (by now I'm stressing each sylable of the word, like you have to for thick children) "Vi-a Spe-c-ial De-li-very- see the labels and the date?"
RMCT shifts her 30 stone bulk off her chair to look over the counter and grunts her agreement at the ENORMOUS SPECIAL DELIVERY labels all over the 5 foot length of thing. It's like watching an ill whale collide with the glass at the Sealife Centre.
Me: "Right, so we agree that this was sent- via the Royal Mail Network- using Special Delivery?"
A further grunt from the RMCT. We're getting somewhere.
Me: "Have the rules for Special Delivery changed in the last 24 hours?"
RMCT: "Well, no"
Me: "Excellent- so I will now pay you to send the same parcel I received yesterday, in the same manner I received it yesterday- do we agree on this groundbreaking deal?"
All this time RMCT's clammy, boil infested brow has been knotted in thought- I figured this was constipation- but a single neuron had short-circuited to produce an idea.
RMCT "They shouldn't have." she blurts with a look of triumph
I'm again wrongfooted. I look around me to work out who she's refering to.
Me: ".....Who shouldn't have done what now?"
RMCT: "They shouldn't 'ave accepted THAT to send Special- it's too long"
Me: "You mean the other Royal Mail employees?"
RMCTL "Yep!" The triumph in her voice is sickening.
Me: "..your colleagues in another post office and several sorting locations, none of whom thought it was too long and returned it to sender?"
RMCTL: "That's right!"
Me: "so you wouldn't argue that they have set a precedent in already agreeing that it's OK send via SD, as that's the way it arrived at more door yesterday?
RMCTL: "No- it was wrong!"
At this point in time I realise (again) why RM put their counterstaff behind 2" of bulletproof glass- not for the once-in-a-decade armed robbery, but to prevent the daily irate customers from throttling some sense into their bloody-minded staff. I make several silent oathes to the Lord to preserve the veneer of calm that my rage is already sweating through.
An idea occours to me- I strike out on a different tack, hoping to appeal to the Royal Fail's love of the pointless rulebook.
Me: "Ok....Can you tell me what the limit is for the parcel size for Special then?"
RMCT: (from memory) :"It's 2.35 metres"
Me: "Ok- so can you measure this to make sure it's too long please?"
RMCT deflates- I've found a chink in her argument
I now trudge to the other end of the 20 (unmanned) counters. Supervisor and RMCT confer- I've clearly been clocked as a difficult customer- She produces a tape measure, then sits down back at the counter
RMCT, with the same belligerent tone she's maintained throughout:
RMCT: "It's just short enough to be sent Special"
Me: "Like I've said all along"
RMCT: "Err...."
Me "Like I said 20 minutes ago when we started this debate?"
RMCT: "Well it looked too long"
Me: "Oh well that's alright then- if it looked too long"...No sarcasm, at all.

Money finally changes hands for a transaction that should have taken 2 minutes. I walk into the afternoon sunlight, blinking and breathless like I've fought a battle with some multiheaded dragon and just barely escaped with my life. Head still buzzing with thoughts of violent murder, I head to the pub for a calming beer or six.

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#Case Study 2- Missing a delivery

While I was working at Unipart, I'd regularly get in after 6.30 of an evening- meaning that I'd, 99.9% of the time, miss parcels.
That isn't a huge logistical issue, as the main sorting office where they end up was on my way to and from work and is, at worst, 5 minutes drive.
I'd been waiting for some rare 'Nam kit to arrive from the US- God bless that $2:£1 exchange rate. So I rolled in at five to 7, after spending 2 hours on the motorway and Mrs L is already in the kitchen making tea. There's a pile of mail for me, including one of those little red cards that says "Sorry You Weren't In".
There are a number of checkboxes and pieces of information that should be completed on these- but in my experience about 1 in 10 actually has any information added by the errant postie.

I yell through to the kitchen to say I'm just nipping to the sorting office, then I flip over the card to see if the postie has noted how many parcels I need to ask for- As in my experience, you ask for "a parcel" and you get the one and only thing you asked for, regardless of how many are sat on the rack with your name on...forewarned is forearmed and all that.

So I flip the card over and encounter a surprise- a string of deeply gouged runes that can only be the hand writing of a barely literate creature with an opposable thumb unused to communicating via the written word.... Attempting to decipher the child-like scrawl by the half-light of the setting sun, I finally understand the message that was being conveyed to me. My erstwhile lackwit postie had chiselled into the card the following missive:
"New it wosznt bin day. Your parcel is in Ur bin"
~I blinked a few times as this sinks in then opened the front door as a wave of disbelief washed over me...
To make you understand- this is where we were living at the time- a Victorian terrace...

~My front door opens onto the street... On the pavement, next to the front-door is my wheelie bin- that green front door on the right was our house, and that grey wheelie bin is on the public street.
Stunned, I flip open the top of my bin to find my parcel nestling on top of the bags of rubbish therein....

Lots of people walk down the mile long street I live on- cutting through to head to the city centre.
Anyone might have looked in my bin and found my nice shiny new parcel- while that may be unlikely in more affluent areas, in the sunny suburb of Graisely we had a 12 month period where Albanian illegal immigrants would regularly steal mouldy food from our bins. Also, drunks on their way home from town will regularly collide with bins knocking them over.....While on the surface it may have appeared that the Postie was doing me a favor, in fact they simply could not be arsed to go back to the sorting office

Considering that Royal Fail enters into a binding contract to deliver the item, not just dump near to the adressee, this is a perfect example of the quality of their service and the way they think of their customers.

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Case Study #3: Knock 'n' Run.

I was on holiday and doing what I do best- sitting on my backside in pyjamas, reading a book, drinking coffee and stuffing Haribo Sours into my face...Who says blokes can't multi-task, eh? That's 4 things at once there.

I've ordered a few bits and bobs from various websites, the weather sucks, so I'm sat waiting in for a parcel or two to arrive....From where I sit, with the hall door open, I could see the front door and hear every word said on the street. It's entertaining some days, I can tell you :D
I hear the rattly thunder of a clapped-out diesel van pull up but think nothing of it- it's just as likely to be the council as the postie.

My letterbox goes so I trot over to the door to find a "Sorry you were out" card screwed up into a ball on the mat.
I open the door and see the postman get back into the van.
I wave....No response.
The postie starts up his van and begins to fill in the little PDA thingie they all use these days, probably looking for his next address.
I have to run in front of the van and smile sheepishly until the lazy cretin realises I'm in the way of his escape.
He opens the drivers door, scowls at me and switches the engine off. I hop back onto the pavement:
Me: Hi....
Royal Mail's Finest Postman: I suppose YOU want your ******* parcel? Every sylable dripping venom
Me: *stunned* "Err....well, yes- it was the reason I've been waiting in.
RMFP: HUH! FINE!

I've apparently offended this stalwart delivery man at having the temerity that he should actually provide me with my parcel.
I hop back onto the doorstep, as the Postie then stalks round to the rear of the van, muttering swearwords under his breath, and nearly slams the door off it's hinges, then proceeds to throw every parcel in his way against the inside of the van. I hear fragile things crumple and break over the muffled swearing and the clang of parcels connecting with steel bulkheads. A full 3 minutes of destruction continues until he jumps out of the rear of the van with my parcel in hand. It's forcible thrust into my arms and then he leaps back into the van without a signature or a wave goodbye.

If you had a parcel delivered in the Wolverhampton area on or around June 15th 2008 that looked like it'd been trampled on by a brass band, now you know why....All this because I'd merely required him to his job- clearly my Highly Trained Postie knew that my parcel was at the back and bottom of the pile and it was wa-a-a-y too much effort for him to actually deliver the thing to me- I mean, that's not the Royal Mail's job, is it? Actually delivering things....No, they are a "service provider" for all your daily needs- like taxing your car, yeah?.....

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Case Study #4 Taxing my car

I purchased a second hand car.
At the time I had no home internet access so to get it taxed required another visit to Wolverhampton Central Post Office. In the UK, the Post Office serves as the front for the DVLA, the UK's DMV equivalent. Hence the variety of folks standing in line at the Post Office.

I grab the Proof Of Ownership (V5), Insurance policy and MOT then get into the Post Office at about 4pm.
Typically, it's 5pm before I get to the counter as the queue is 20 deep.
We begin neogtiations for a tax disc- back when you needed to display one of these to drive on a UK road (Now you just send 'em the money and they stick you on the database)
The Royal Mail Counter Troll grabs my documents and examines them with an intensity that's openly insulting. Her whole manner screams "You must have forged these, you horrible little pauper". I smile away the bile.
We get to issuing a tax disc when there's a sharp intake of breath from the RMCT as she gazes at her computer screen.
RMCT: Can I see your disability certificate?
Me: Err. I haven't got one. I'm not disabled.
RMCT: Oh, the car's disabled
Me: How can a car be disabled?
RMCT: It's been registered as disabled- can I see your disability cert please?
Me: I haven't got one- I'm not disabled.. I just want to tax the car normally- and pay for it.
RMCT: Well it won't let you- Disabled cars have a free tax disc, don't they?
Me: yes I know that. I don't want a free one- I want to PAY for one.
RMCT: Ah....well we can't do that here.
Me: So what you're saying is that I can't actually give you this money here in my hand to tax my car?
RMCT: No.
Me:.. But it would be fine to have a free tax disc if I had a disability cert?
RMCT: Yes.
Me: But I can't reclassify the car as 'non-disabled' and get it taxed here?
RMCT: No....But you can go into any post office and get it classified as disabled when you need to.
Me: What?
Now I'm really spitting blood....How in the name of Satan's fiery barbecue is this right?
Me: so what you're saying is I can go into any post office and deny the Government money by making a vehicle 'disabled'?
RMCT: Yes, if you've got the certificate.... it's to prevent discrimination isnt' it..
Me: So why the **** am I being discriminated against?! I just want to tax my car!
RMCT: It's the rules, sorry.... You need to go to the DVLA Local Office to get it reclassified as normal.
Me: Which is where?
RMCT: There's Shrewsbury or Birmingham.
Me: So 20 miles away....Not very local are they?
RMCT *huffy* Well I'm only trying to help.
I bite my lip here- If this is helpful: God help me if she wanted to be obstructive.
Me: *looking at the clock* It's now 5.15....What chance have I got driving 20 miles in my untaxed car, against rush hour traffic, into the centre of Birmingham, for 5.30 when they close?
RMCT: *conciliatory* Not much....And you can't drive your car without tax you know.
Me: Yes, that's why I came here with all my documents and £120 in cash in first place.
RMCT: Well I'm only trying to help.
Me: Right, fine. well thanks for your time.

The next day I have to go to Birmingham on the slowest train that seems to stop at every 12 inches along the track, in the middle of commuter rush hour- taking time off work that I can ill afford too- to visit the local DVLA office just opposite the Hippodrome theatre.
I take a number to sit in the waiting room amongst the sheepish looking types who have clearly been naughty and have been required to visit this office to have their Driving license ceremonially torn into little pieces.

I roll up, wait for an hour and rock up to the low counter with all my documents to tell the same story I did yesterday- naturally I don't hold out much hope....
The DVLA lass smiles at my tale of woe, glances at my documents and license, then opens some files on her computer.
The DVLA lass then taps exactly three times on her keyboard, and with a flourish, says
"Right.....that's all sorted- would you like 6 or 12 months tax?"
Me: *in a state of shock* "...........Hang on. Its that easy?"
DVLA Lass: Yes.
Me: So why can't they do it at the Post Office!?
DVLA Lass: I don't know, it would've made more sense if you could do it both ways, really- but that's what Royal Mail decided.
Me: I quite agree.....6 months tax please.
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Royal Fail indeed....In the depths of Soviet rule in Russia, this level of customer service may have been acceptable....But not here. And not to me.

[El Gato]

What a great read. Absolutely loved it.
I would be ROTFL.......except it is so true it ain't funny.

I am wondering if the postal folks go through some sort of "basic training" to get that special demeanor or if it is just a prerequisite for employment? They aren't all that way, (thankfully), but it's the old "a few rotten apples spoil the barrel" syndrome.

At present I am getting up a package of a couple of knives to send to a good friend in Canada and I am dreading the experience. I would almost rather drive the 4,000 miles to deliver in person rather than try to ship but I guess I will have to run the gauntlet and buck the tiger to send it International. Life is so fun..... :D

[JT]

+1 on the ROTFL! , this cracked me up:

I head to the pub for a calming beer or six.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Camburt]

I guess postal mails will end soon

[farnorthdan]

double tap

[farnorthdan]

Sweet baby Jesus, People wonder where the term "going postal" comes from. I think I now understand why guns and big knifes are banned there, I can imagine the murder rate would be off the charts.

[demoncase]

Sweet baby Jesus, People wonder where the term "going postal" comes from. I think I now understand why guns and big knifes are banned there, I can imagine the murder rate would be off the charts.

Heh.
Neither guns nor big knives are banned in the UK....The former are tightly controlled and licenced, the latter....well, I'm up to 100 Spydercos at last count and they simply don't make that many 'small' ones, do they?

[farnorthdan]

Sweet baby Jesus, People wonder where the term "going postal" comes from. I think I now understand why guns and big knifes are banned there, I can imagine the murder rate would be off the charts.

Heh.
Neither guns nor big knives are banned in the UK....The former are tightly controlled and licenced, the latter....well, I'm up to 100 Spydercos at last count and they simply don't make that many 'small' ones, do they?

Well, I guess I knew you guys could have them, what I meant was that they are highly restricted, correct, where as here most states allow CCW and have fairly lenient knife laws. Can you carry all your :spyder:'s in public? I'm not familiar with your laws so am genuinely curious. :)

[demoncase]

Sweet baby Jesus, People wonder where the term "going postal" comes from. I think I now understand why guns and big knifes are banned there, I can imagine the murder rate would be off the charts.

Heh.
Neither guns nor big knives are banned in the UK....The former are tightly controlled and licenced, the latter....well, I'm up to 100 Spydercos at last count and they simply don't make that many 'small' ones, do they?

Well, I guess I knew you guys could have them, what I meant was that they are highly restricted, correct, where as here most states allow CCW and have fairly lenient knife laws. Can you carry all your :spyder:'s in public? I'm not familiar with your laws so am genuinely curious. :)

I can carry lockers and fixed with 'good reason'- which I frequently have.
I can carry sub 3" non-lockers anywhere at any time.

Being a reasonable person who is dressed reasonably at all times (shirt and tie at work for example) and (most fundamentally) don't put myself in places or positions where I'm going to get stopped & searched by the Polizie- It's not an issue.

[farnorthdan]

Thank you for the clarification demoncase, and sorry for taking your thread off course, in an effort to get back into the wind I have a couple quick postal stories. :) .

The first story chaps my butt the most, I order my prescription meds through my insurance which uses one of those pharmacies (expressscripts) that will send you 3 months supply at a time, for some reason they decided to use Fedx a couple refills back and the driver decided it would be a good idea to leave the package at the gate to my driveway (6ft chain-link fence around property) without getting a signature or leaving a "tried to deliver" notice. Mind you this is about $400 worth of meds and you guessed it, some jack-wagon decided they needed my cholesterol and blood pressure meds more than I did. Still fighting the insurance over that one.Pretty sure I'm SOL.

Next one was a package I was expecting through usps (probably a :spyder: :D ) I had been tracking it from the start, usually takes a little over a week for packages to arrive up here. See the update that its out for delivery then another saying "notice left in box signature required" No big deal I'll just get the slip when I get home from work and pick it up from the post office the next morning. Well get home and no slip in the mailbox so the next day I call the post office from work and ask what the deal is,"oh the package is here but you will need a slip to pick it up" Ummm how exactly do I pick it up with no slip? Long story short, went to PO after work and had a little heart to heart with the head postal dude and got my package without the slip then headed home, checked the mail and theres the slip in that days mail...lol.

I know, pretty tame compared to what it sounds like you have to deal with over there, I feel for you man, sounds like you have more patience than I.

[demoncase]

Part of the issue- at least in the UK- is that Royal Mail truly used to be part of the Government.....They haven't been for most of my life, but that attitude of petty officialdom remains.

Echoing your story- I once had a missed parcel 'conveniently delivered to a local post office' (Their words not mine)- rather than the normal main sorting office....It was odd, but whatever.
I had a little red slip saying "Sorry- missed you on it" which I took to work with me and- being a busy doofus- left on my desk. 55 miles from home.
But, knowing they had my parcel, I swung by this little post office with my normal pile of photo ID
Post Office Cretin- "Do you have your red card?"
Me "Aha. No, sorry, left it at work"
POC *indignant* "Then I can't let you have the parcel"
Me. "What?"
POC "Those are the rules"
Me. *restraining going off like a claymore mine* "No. They are not. You have a parcel with my name on it. I have provided you with identification that I am who it is adressed to and I live at the adress with government approved photo identification.....If you are telling me I need to drive 110 miles to collect a piece of red card that has no such data on it, apart from the adress of the post office here, then we are going to have a problem"
POC "The post master makes the rules not me- I'm not allowed"
Me "Then you better go fetch the Post Master because he's about to get a visit from the Police for theft of my parcel"
POC "WHAT?"
Me "Theft is an unlawful retention of another person's property. Like being retained on arbitrary rules"
POC ".............I can give you your parcel"
Me "Thank you kindly"

[El Gato]

There are very few challenges in life that cannot be resolved with perseverance and an ample quantity of C4.......... :rolleyes:

[demoncase]

There are very few challenges in life that cannot be resolved with perseverance and an ample quantity of C4.......... :rolleyes:

Or sacking it off and going down the pub for a few comforting beers.

[El Gato]

There are very few challenges in life that cannot be resolved with perseverance and an ample quantity of C4.......... :rolleyes:

Or sacking it off and going down the pub for a few comforting beers.

Thinking about it......yours is most likely the better option. I need to remember that one.

But I must not derail this thread. It is far too interesting.
Let us hear more.

[Echo63]

My story involves both USPS and AusPost

I bough a 2nd hand maxabeam, a medium sized, and rather pricey searchlight from a CPF member.
Seller took my money, boxed the light, and shipped it the next morning, with tracking and insurance (it was $1000usd, and with the great exchange rate at the time, just sneaked under the $1000 AUD import duty)

Seller took package to post office, then emailed me the tracking number straight away.
The USPS end of the service was brillant, for about three days, every time i looked, another item was on the list

"Recieved parcel at post office"
"Box sent to sorting centre"
Box put on shelf"
"Box put on another shelf"
"Package turned 90 degrees so it fits on shelf better"
"Package sent to bigger sorting centre"
"Parcel put on shelf"
"Parcel moved to shelf closer to truck"
"Parcel turned around so we can see the labels"
"Parcel put on truck"
"Parcel moved to different truck"
"Parcel at airport"
"Parcel on conveyor belt"
"Parcel on plane"

Then nothing.
No updates on the USPS site, and an error on the Aus Post site, they didnt have a record of the tracking number (normal for Auspost, until they have the package, unusual for USPS, their site is normally more up to date than Auspost)

For 6 weeks.

I tried ringing Aus Post "sorry, we have no record of that package existing"
I contacted the seller and he rang USPS - they knew where it was till it got on the plane, and from then, nothing.
After a week of emailing back and forth, the seller filed the insurance paperwork, as the package was obviously lost.

Less than 8 hours after the paperwork was filed (8 weeks after the package was shipped) my parcel finally arrived.

It still took 2 weeks for the tracking information to update -then according to the timestamps, my package went into and out of customs in melbourne, to my local distribution centre, onto the truck and to my door in Perth (4000km from Melbourne) in the space of 20 minutes.


The seller was great to deal with the whole time, i even bought a second Maxabeam off him a year or so later - that one took the normal 2-4weeks to arrive

[SpyderEdgeForever]

I ordered some shoes and they were stolen right off the door and the postal service told me they delivered them and the tracking info revealed they did deliver them.


I ordered a knife and the package was open but to my amazement the knife was still in there and no one had ripped it off. That alone is amazing.

Do you think their machines sometimes tear open a package accidentally, as opposed to a person rifling through it?

[Evil D]

Well my last few Amazon orders have showed up a day or two early, so maybe they're catching back up. Although, it also seems to me that anything that can fit into a mailbox has a better chance of showing up on time than a box that has to be carried to your door step.

I ordered some shoes and they were stolen right off the door and the postal service told me they delivered them and the tracking info revealed they did deliver them.


I ordered a knife and the package was open but to my amazement the knife was still in there and no one had ripped it off. That alone is amazing.

Do you think their machines sometimes tear open a package accidentally, as opposed to a person rifling through it?

Packages do go through pure **** before they reach you, especially depending on where they come from and what shipping method you go with. The longer/cheaper shipping methods are harder on packages because they get transferred from vehicle to vehicle more times, and they're not always gentile with packages.

[Sharp Guy]

demoncase, I loved the stories of your Royal Fail woes! Made my day to know that some other country could actually have more troubled mail system that the USPS.

[demoncase]

Along the same lines Echo 63: I ordered some custom bits for my airsoft rifle....Nothing likely to set a custom's mans hair on fire- internal bits and pieces for the gearbox.

The tracking went:
Day 1- Shipped from Hongdu Street Post Office, Hong Kong
D2- Received in Central Cargo Hub- Hong Kong International Airport
D3- Loaded to plane in HK Airport
D4- Lands London Heathrow.
D4- Moved to Parcel Farce International Postal Hub- Coventry.
.....and that's where the tracking stopped. For a week.
I give a couple of days then call them- "Sorry Mr Lopez, we don't have your parcel"
"Oh yes you do- I'm looking at an electronic signature for acceptance into your sorting office"
"Ah- it might be with customs"
"No- it's not. It's with you."
"Ah.....We'll look for it"
3 weeks go by with my calls going unanswered when it arrives on my doormat- safe, battered, but arrived.
So-
To travel 6000 miles from HK to Coventry: 2 days.
To travel the remaining 55 miles from Coventry to my front door- a scant hour's drive up the M6- 3 weeks.....I idly calculated that this was slower than an 19th century two-horse stagecoach travelling the same distance.

Post script: 2 weeks after this I receive a call from Parcel Farce-
"We're sorry Mr Lopez, we can't find your parcel anywhere. You'll have to arrange compensation with the seller"
".....Right. You know that it's been delivered?"
"What!?.....Really!?"
".....Err, yeah- very sure"
"Well, I can only apologise- but our system seems to suck"
"Tell me about it, mate...Thanks anyway"